Beware, Parents!!!

I was shock and sad when I read this news.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/student-murders-mother-hides-body-apartment-055002274.html

Of course, everybody wants to have the smartest kid, the champion kid, the top kids. I have never heard that a parent says that she/he doesn’t want her/his children to be a clever one, to be a smart child, good in school etc. That’s all parents’ dreams, but is it really very important?

There was a survey in a city at one country by a TV channel, they interviewed some parents about their expectations of their children and one of the parent even said that “No room for failure”

We quite surprise when we heard that.

Why they have that kind of mind set?

  • Perhaps they feel that it is for the interest of their children,
  • Perhaps they are afraid if their kids fail, then their old age is not guaranteed, because they depend on their children.
  • Perhaps they feel their kids failure means the failure of their own
(Those three points are my own opinions)

Is that right? If it is so, they might not realize that they could make their children stress by doing so.

I admit, I also want my sons to be the best, to be smart, to be the top students, but once again, I have to remind my self that it is not everything, it is not the most important thing for the kids.

We should learn to know the limit, we should not demand a very high expectation from our kids, especially in education (this is one of the common problem in parenting). Every kid is different, some of them are really smart kids, some of them are not.

Let’s see from another point of view, they might not be good in their school grade, but they might be good in another aspect.

I have one friend, he was not good in his school, perhaps he didn’t really like to study, but he had another ability, he loved to swim, and all thanks to his parents who supported his dream, he was a national swimmer. I think he is a coach now 🙂

One of my friend was not very good in his study, but he loves to draw 🙂 Since he was young, he really loves to draw. Now he is a successful interior designer and has his own business.

For me, it will be a bonus if my sons can become a top student, but I won’t put it as a must thing to do to my sons. Sometimes without we realize we might compete with the other parent for the sake of ourselves and not for the sake of our children.

Now my sons are still in the Kindergarten and Nursery, and I have to keep in my mind that I should not put too high expectations in their studies when they start primary school and even when they arrived at the university.

Our children might not be good in their studies, but they might be good in another area, such as art, music, etc. They might also not be good in both studies and another area as I mentioned before, but we still have to accept them as they are.

God blessed us with children not for our own interest, but as parents who have been trusted by God to raise our children, we have responsibilities to raise them, help them grow happily and cherish them in hopes they will become someone with good character and behavior.

As long as they study well, try their best, put all their effort, I would be happy for them. The result will then follow the effort 🙂

Cherish your kids and not to stress them. Do not punish them just because their results do not fit our expectations. We have to find out what happen and encourage them to do better in the future.

I hope the news above can become a good lesson for us as a parent.

I remember that I wrote a post about Result and Effort.

https://mylifeismyrainbow.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/effort-vs-result

I would like to know your opinion regarding this mater. We can then learn from each other and do what is the best for our children 🙂

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12 comments

  1. So sad.

    We have always encouraged our boys to DO their best not BE the best. Everyone is good at something and they should strive to make the most of their abilities, but not to the exclusion of all else.

    You are good parents 🙂

    1. I like your words DO their best and not BE the best 🙂 Yes, you are right, just like me, I was not good in my study also but I might be good in something else 😀 but please don’t ask me what is that 😀

  2. Hi Yulia

    My husband was good at school. His parents pressured to become an accountant or a lawyer. They were very disappointed when he went into nursing, and never got over their disappointment.

    One of the boys my husband was friends with at school was not very good at his studies. When he left school he became a diesel mechanic. He is now working in the mines earning ten times the amount of money my husband (who was good at his studies) is earning. Academic success does not guarantee a superior income. Nor does it guarantee happiness – we have to teach our kids to make good lifestyle choices as well. So many variables – how much does happiness depend on the partner you choose, the neighbourhood you live in, the food you eat, and job satisfaction?

    Howard Gardner put forward the idea of 8 multiple intelligences, and appealed to teachers to structure their lessons to include as many intelligences they could, to make the lessons interesting to all children and also to expand children’s skills in other areas. Now my uni lecturers used to remind me that Gardner was not empirical – his ideas were not rigorously researched. However, some of the teachers in my children’s school follow Gardner, and my boys like these teachers the best and enjoy going to their classes.

  3. Hi Narelle, thank you for sharing and give another example on this matter 🙂 I am glad that your boys love their school.. I hope my sons will also always enjoy their study without any pressure 🙂

  4. It’s too bad that there’s so much emphasis placed on grades, and on such a narrow curriculum. As you said so well in this post, many children have other strengths and skills that may not be prized by society. The incident in Seoul is an extreme example of what can happen, but I’m sure there are millions of students straining under the pressure in different ways.

    1. Yes, I do agree with you, Charles. Some parents just don’t realize that they have pressured their children in their study. I really really need to always keep in my mind that I will not stress my boys in term of their studies. What I need to do is to encourage them to do their best. Thank you for sharing, Charles 🙂

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